As a mother of a young man, I would like to know what qualities that women are looking for in Asian guys, given that women are increasingly educated, well-informed and having higher expectations. Sadly, the maternal uncle of our little prince, who is single, tall, and just completed his study in a top university with an acceleration to reduce his tuition debt, shared that girls and women nowadays are looking for (materially) rich men, much more than charming people with a great personality. Since external wealth can be taken away or lost in a blink of eyes through natural/man-made disasters, I still think that it is important to be likable due to our own intrinsic factors. How to be likeable?
Once, I asked the question what qualities my Korean friends look for in their future son-in-law, they told me that I am that kind of mother they are afraid to have, but I learned an important quality: no matter what happen in life, good or bad, they expect that the man of their precious girl knows how to pray.
When we know what are expected, we can prepare ourselves and our people (in this case: our little men) to be desirable hot guys who treat women with respect, their parents with love, and others with kindness. I still firmly believe on the importance of my question, regardless of my Korean friends’ comments.
I could not help to laugh watching the video entitled What is the Ideal Chinese Guy Like? by Off the Great Wall at speed 1.5-2. Yes, I love accelerating learning, including watching videos. According to their sharing, an ideal Chinese guy must:
- have a property, there is a saying 非房勿扰 (If you don’t have a house, don’t come and bother me), perhaps a modification from the 非诚勿扰 (If not sincere, then do not disturb) show ~ a window into contemporary society of China.
- have a (very) good degree: e.g. a Tsinghua degree. Do you know that it is more difficult to be admitted into Tsinghua than Harvard, MIT, Cambridge? According to Li Meng Ning, only the top 0.04%～0.3% in College Entrance Examination (depending on the province or city) can make it Tsinghua University or Peking University. If there are ~ 7.5 million high school students taking the College Entrance Examination, only 8000 students can have the opportunity to go to Tsinghua University or Peking University, based on the percentage. "You need either extreme intelligence and hard work, or being smart and a ridiculous amount of work, and in some cases, say Sichuan, Shandong, Henan, luck."
- be tall ~ 180 cm in height (this requirement precedes being rich and handsome as highlighted by the saying 高-富-帅), but within 60-70kg.
- must be single and only had one-two previous relationships (implying that they are not a player).
- must be older than the woman 1-5 years.
- must have smart and business-savvy personality
The standards are rising, it’s not easy to be a Chinese guy these days.
Korean ladies want gentlemen with good manner (politeness), style/appearance, height. They prefer men with personality to good look, macho/tough men to feminine, pretty boys. They also welcome foreign men.
I know several Asian men who like Japanese women in general, perhaps due the influence from animations. The standards of Japanese beauty include light/white skin; stronger, higher, slightly bigger nose bridge; slim/small face; thin/petite with an hourglass figure, ぼんきゅぼん (Bon Kyu Bon*); curly eyelashes; double eyelid that makes eyes look bigger; long legs; a polite + gracious personality (think kimonos, hair pinned up, seiza/sitting on your heels, hands in the lap). *The first “bon” symbolizes a large bust, “kyu” means having a small waist, and “bon” means having a large curve at hips.
How’s about what Japanese women want and like? Japanese women want a guy that tells them several times a day how much he loves them and manage the $ earned by their man.
According to a poll on Japanese women, an ideal guy:"
- He’s thoughtful and can put himself in the other’s shoes and act accordingly
- A good listener, easy to talk to
- He’s honest with his feelings and can sincerely say “thank you” and “I’m sorry”
- He’s observant of his surroundings; he will back off or keep pushing where appropriate
- Kind and gentle personality
- He’s capable of doing good work
- He’s financially independent
- Is tolerant and doesn’t let little things get to him
- Thoughtful about his family and friends
- He’s got a good foundation and always keeps his cool"
Japanese women also want the Four Lows, which are:
- Low ego (doesn’t brag or boast when talking to a woman) i.e. be humble
- Low dependency (doesn’t rely on a woman to do housework) i.e. be independent
- Low risk (has enough value to his company that he won’t be downsized) i.e. be (financially) valuable with talents
- Low consumption (is able to economize and save money), i.e. be frugal
A piece of advice that I would like to give to myself and my children is to first marry yourself, as advocated by Tracy McMillan. Marrying ourselves mean committing to ourselves fully and truly, i.e. be independent. Our spouse needs an independent husband / wife, who must first be capable of loving oneself, before s/he can love others fully. Finally, I welcome future daughter-in-law / son-in-law of any cultural background, as long as s/he is kind-hearted and values lifelong learning and contribution/service.
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