It was a challenging year for my parents when I told them that I want to celebrate n decades of my life by sharing with orphans. While I know exactly the date and the time that I were born, many of these orphans do not know their exact birthdays. My parents kindly fulfilled my wishes, though they were struggling emotionally and financially. I greatly appreciate them and am grateful that both my parents are still healthy, alive and loving each other. Even as a grown-up, my mother still loves me as her baby. Whenever and wherever possible, my mother wakes up early to cook us happy meals (from breakfast, soups, desserts, to dinner), clean my humble flat, massage my shoulders, wash our clothes, and the list goes on. My (critical) father who is firm on the terms, is a role model for us to be ethical, responsible, hardworking, disciplined and visionary.
If you have no biological parents any more, please do not be sad for too long. I’m sure they are proud of you in the heaven. You can imagine anyone as your loving parent, if you decide to do so. I did that often when I was separated by oceans from my beloved parents, and ended up feeling better from these imaginations as they work on our mirror neurons.
Our parents have taken care of us since our first day on earth. Earlier, our mothers carried us in their pregnant bellies and whisper lullabies of prayers, hopes and aspirations. Since they have known so much about us, they are a good resource to improve ourselves, even though we have not lived up to their expectations yet. As of Autumn 2016, my parents have been promoted to grandparents of four little human beings, my prayer is that they will spend more time with their grandchildren because grandparents help kids be kinder and more involved.
In winter 2015, based on a request for constructive criticisms to the parents of happygreenpanda who kindly spent ~ a month together (precious moments!):
- Be diligent. 你学到的知识，就是你拥有的武器。 Remember 勤能补拙. This idiom also reminds me on a quote “… as you pick your mate, beware of unnatural selection; what you see is not necessarily what you get. … humans develop ever more sophisticated camouflage … ” from Evolving Ourselves by Juan Enriquez and Steve Gullans.
- NiLaiShunSou 逆来顺受. Do not worry too easily or too much. Resist nothing.
- Master the art of endurance ~ this is also a form of courtesy. Never reveal our negative emotions (anger, unhappiness), unless such an action can lead to a positive outcome. Particularly, happygreenpanda must avoid saying “You know” in a patronizing tone or to educe the listener’s agreement, say “You may heard of …” instead.
- Cherish life (珍惜生命). Nothing is certain in life 人生无常, thus we must cherish and enjoy our lives positively. Cherish now and here (一定要珍惜共聚的时光). Find something you love to do and then just do it, as highlighted by Peter Buffett (Warren Buffett’s son).
- Cherish people, be grateful but do not expect gratitude from others. Be careful not to use our words as swords especially against people who care and love us or whom we love, yet learn to endure swords-like words of people who have to interact with at a particular time or space. 对你不好的人，你不要太介意。在你一生中，没有人有义务要对你好(except yourself because you are responsible for yourself)。对你好的人，你一定要珍惜、感恩。”你可以要求自己守信 (keep our words)，但无法要求别人也守信；你可以要求自己对他人好 (be nice to others)，但不能期待人家也对你好；你怎样待人，并不代表人家就会怎样待你，如果你看不透这一点，只会给你增添不必要的烦恼。” ~ Jack Ma, Alibaba’s giant.
- Love myself more. Do not be too frugal with myself. Eat well and travel to learn.
- Exercise regularly. Do self-massage to relieve tension in my shoulders, arms and tummy. Relax my shoulders. Do Kegel exercise.
20151130 while listening to Yiruma
see also: end of this email
On 20161230, the day Little Princes’ maternal grandmother has to left her for the first time since the day she was born, my kind mother advised me to be kind to the person who has emotionally, verbally and physically abused me and his mother, even though his mother sounded to be supportive of his son’s actions, perhaps it’s human nature to side on their own children. My mother’s rationale is that if we are nice to people, they will be nice to us, even though they hurt us in the past. If we have been doing our best to be nice, but the people still continue to hurt us, I believe that the Universe will somehow give us better (either same or different) people. My mother’s advice resonate with the prayer of Mother Teresa of Do It Anyway.